Sweet In The Memory

"while you torture yourself with what's behind ya, torture yourself with what awaits ya,
 draggin' that guilt and regret inside ya, anxious of the goals that always evade ya,
 your mind will find a way to be unkind to you somehow,
 but all we really have is happening to us right now..."

Being by yourself for most of the time does give you the opportunity to think a lot, and believe me...thinking can be a very dangerous thing!
It's very easy to conduct an analysis of where you are with your life, what you've actually got, what you've achieved, what you've lost, what you're striving to gain, and worst of all...you can second-guess what certain other people are thinking.

Some very special ladies who all feature in my life have recently occupied my thoughts.
I can draw comfort from knowing that they remain there for me, as I am for them, and their kind words give me the strength to preserve my own sanity during difficult times ~ their friendship, love and support will forever be precious to me.

I've mentioned previously some issues concerning a particular lady in my life, and she knows that my heart belongs to her no matter what the future brings. Recently the silence and lack of news from her allows this process of second-guessing to kick-in, but then I receive wise words from someone else which can put things into a different perspective. The suggestions are that she possibly feels a sense of guilt in burdening me with her problems ~ hence the silence after the initial contact. This view is then echoed by others, who also stress the need for me to remain patient and be strong.

And then after nearly a month of total silence my world brightened up with a text from her just the other night.
No doubt this is going to be followed by a heartbreaking phone call somewhen over the next few days, and whilst I know this blog isn't an appropriate forum to go into details, I can say that I'm anticipating many tears being shed on both sides, and at the same time quite a few issues will either get resolved, or will be in the process of being resolved.
I guess I'm a kind of 'all-or-nothing' type of guy, and being kept in 'limbo' doesn't suit this status.
Despite my undoubted patience I still need to know where I stand, and that's where the phone call that I anticipate will come in.
In two weeks time I aim to resolve the situation fully in person by using some time off work as constructively as possible, and hopefully a decision will finally be made concerning our futures.

Whilst my current love-life is hanging by a thread, I must also confess that I have been thinking of some happy times shared with other women from the past.
As a firm believer of the ethic of being of a gentleman who doesn't 'kiss-and-tell', I never name names, but a certain lady from a little village in the west-country entertains my thoughts, as does someone else who is thousands of miles away on the other side of the world. They both bring a smile to my face and a tingle in my loins! Lol.

Being an old hopeless romantic, I do tend to only remember the good times and gloss over the bad ones. But I do like to think that the good times also far outweigh the bad.
I also know that whatever the future holds in store for me regarding matters of the heart, nobody can ever take away my sweet memories, and nobody ever leaves you if they remain in your heart and in your head.

Ramblin' Steve