"what a brave, brave girl
never lied before
such a plain deceit
everyone would eventually know..."
Following on from previous blogs and personal Facebook wall posts: one consequence resulted in receiving the most heartbreaking of phone calls, and probably the hardest conversation that I've ever experienced.
After yet another long period of silence, the special lady in my life finally broke the tranquility with the shattering confirmation of her diagnosis of her illness. I previously said that all I wanted was some truth, love and honesty ~ well, I think I got far more than I bargained for.
Being a protective type of guy, I'd always attempt to preserve her dignity, so I shall not be going into any details of her condition, or of how this illness has affected her body, appearance and spirit.
Her constant bravery is to be admired as is her stubborness in not allowing me to try to help.
Having said that, there isn't anything that I can do when you consider that she's dealing with the Big 'C' word, and she's been given two years at best to live.
She doesn't want me to visit her at present as she's going through the toughest course of treatment, and although it breaks my heart, I have promised her that I shall respect her wishes.
She knows that I love her and she assures me that the feeling is mutual, so at least we both share that.
I must confess that generally I keep my emotions in check, but during the conversation my eyes were welling up, and immediately afterwards when I was on my own, I did shed some tears.
What made it worse was she also made me promise not to put my life on hold, and she gave me her blessing to meet someone else and be happy.
All I can think about at the moment is living my life to the full, and trying to make the most of it as best I can.
If I do this then I'll feel that I'm honouring her sentiments in some way.
She's also requested me to leave her in peace for the time being, which again I shall reluctantly abide with despite this overwhelming sense of helplessness that I have.
But she knows that she is always in my thoughts...and in my heart.
Dedicated with love to three lovely girls♥
Ramblin' Steve
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