When Saturday Comes

"I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down..."

After my previous heartbreaking blog, 'Sad Times', I thought it would be best to lighten the mood with a rather jokey observation after experiencing on many occassions the nightmare that is walking down the high street on a busy Saturday afternoon!

I've managed to make a breakthrough discovery...and please don't despair as this blog isn't intended to alienate anyone who doesn't like football, as this blog isn't entirely about the subject!
Hopefully it will appeal to the lads (football) and also appeal to the ladies (shopping)?

So what have I discovered, you may well ask?
Well, I've found a link between the performance of our national football team on the pitch and the typical behaviour encountered on a Saturday afternoon on the high street!

First ~ a challenge:
I challenge anyone to pick any busy high street on a Saturday afternoon, and attempt to walk in a straight line...I bet you can't do it!
Why? Because everybody else seems to walk with their heads down, completely unaware of what's happening around them.
People walk out of shops at right angles and right into your path.
People walk towards you and have no idea that you are approaching.
People directly in front of you will suddenly stop for no apparent reason.
Or generally people are just completely oblivious to the fact that you even exist!
I kid you not...try it for yourself ~ I guarantee that you will have to move sideways or alter your course, and that you'll be unable to walk in a straight line .
It resembles a scene similar to the one in the video for The Verve's 'Bitter Sweet Symphony', when Richard Ashcroft walks down the street bumping into everyone he meets.
(This seems very appropiate when you also consider that ITV have adopted this music into their opening titles & ad breaks of their England football coverage).
Maybe this is what you should do - crash into everyone in your immediate path? Lol.

Now, you may well ask: "What the hell has this got to do with football?"
Quite simply I've realised the correlation between the performance of the Saturday afternoon high street pedestrian/shopper and the performance of the Saturday afternoon English football player.
With the one notable exception of Jack Wilshire (pictured), our nation doesn't possess a single footballer who can play with his head-up ~ in fact we haven't produced anyone since Gazza who is comfortable on the ball and who is prepared to run at defenders from the centre of the park. They all play with their eyes on the ground, firmly fixed on the ball, unaware of what's around them and possess very limited vision...(another notable exception would probably have to be Paul Scholes!)
Now if you consider that these footballers are bred from the same stereotype as the Saturday afternoon shopper, then it's no wonder we breed stereotypical English footballers!

Well, that's my opinion anyway.
I think all the national football coaches should bring their players down to a busy high street on a Saturday afternoon, toss them a ball and let them get on with it.
If they can avoid the mad shoppers and keep hold of the ball, then rival Spanish, Brazilian, Dutch, Italian, or German opposition should be no problem at all...should it?

Ramblin' Steve