The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

"the wrong side of a lifetime's wishful thinking,
 drove me here to pills and ale,
 come and listen, come and listen to my tale..."

Whilst I'm awaiting hopeful confirmation of the news that I've been successful in securing the lease on that lovely flat in Summersdale, Chichester (pictured), I've found myself taking stock on events over the past four years ~ the period covered since I previously lived in a place on my own..
I can honestly say that I haven't felt so excited about something for such a very long time...probably not since I toured New Zealand's South Island in a campervan and met the lovely TWL!
But at the same time...until I receive definite news I'm trying to keep a lid on my excitement and not take anything for granted. This is why I also find myself trying to keep busy and not think too much about the apartment, and why I've returned to writing my blogs far more regularly than I had originally intended.

It's been a troublesome four years, with many ups and downs...but I've lived to tell the tale I'm pleased to say despite all of these trials and tribulations. During this rather fraught period I have lived through the following, which I believe are in chronological order...although at my age I am prone to suffer the occassional temporary memory loss which may also include glossing over certain events:

*I lived my life-long dream by finally visiting the wonderful New Zealand.
*I gave up a luxurious apartment in Cheltenham and relocated to Berkshire to live with a friend.
*I was threatened with court action over a long-protracted dispute with my bank.
*I returned to New Zealand for a second time, and I also met the aforementioned TWL.
*I met a lovely lady back in Berkshire who I thought would give me a happy future.
*I was forced out of my friend's home once I had served my purposes, as I was no longer required.
*I lost the plot, went AWOL in Scotland and ended up in Edinburgh Infirmary after a bad experience involving an ill-advised cocktail of alcohol and sleeping pills.
*I lost my job, my home...everything, and had to start from scratch with absolutely nothing to my name.
*I was nursed back to full health under the watchful care of some fantastic people.
*I returned to my hometown and became re-united with my family.
*I became officially unemployed for the first time ever in my life.
*I was lucky to have such a great friend as Elona, who helped me regain all my identification papers.
*I dug in my heels, refusing to give in to the bank, and referred the matter to The Financial Ombudsman.
*I found a job and a temporary place to live, as I began to pick up the pieces of my life.
*I made some great new friends with my work colleagues, and re-invented a social life.
*I moved into a flat share with my dear friends Josie & Glen.
*I became seriously ill with internal scarring in my chest, throat and stomach, requiring a biopsy.
*I was shocked to hear that my girlfriend had contracted terminal cancer.
*I learned that my friend had tragically commited suicide, and despite all that had happened and how I'd been treated by her, I found myself feeling terribly guilty as if maybe I could have done something to help.
*I was told by my girlfriend to live the rest of my life without her...I initially refused of course!
*I successfully arranged a repayment plan to sort out my debts and reconcile the dispute with my bank.
*I reluctantly respected my girlfriend's wishes and said my goodbye's with a broken heart.
*I revisited my old home in Bath, and shared some very precious memories with someone special.
*I admitted defeat in my plans to return to NZ for a third time...but one day it'll happen!
*I organised a charity campaign to raise funds for Cancer Research UK in recognition of my now ex-girlfriend, by walking the entire length of The South Downs Way, and with it found some form of personal redemption, and finally...
*I suprisingly stumbled upon an affordable, yet luxurious batchelor's pad which fingers crossed will be my home for many years to come?

And that's just a brief summary of all the ups and downs these past four years.
There are many other experiences that have shaped the life and times of this 'Ramblin' Man' during this period which I have failed to mention, but wouldn't want to bore you with...let's just say that I believe I've finally layed some ghosts to rest!
But two things become apparant when reviewing these experiences however...women, and how alcohol effects my outlook on life, which is why I've decided upon two consequential decisions:

1. I intend to remain an eligible batchelor - women, romance & me just don't mix.
2. I intend to minimise my alcohol intake - ale, spirits & me also don't mix.

Whether or not I'm succesful in achieving these two aims remains to be seen, but I have previously stated my intention of becoming a better person, so hopefully these changes will help.
In the meantime I will continue to strive to be a good man, with a kind soul, a big heart, an upbeat spirit, and a humble character.
When I wrote my earlier blog, 'A Better Me...Or Wishful Thinking?' I received three lovely supportive comments from Trace, Jane, and the TWL ~ at least this proves I'm on the right track, so a big thanks goes to these three in particular, as well as all my other wonderful friends, family and blogger readers♥

After all the various setbacks encountered along the way, at least it now looks like my four year journey may end on a positive note, as I hope to rediscover my independence and find some inner peace.
My struggle with finding a happy balance between a complex state of mind and a simplistic way of life may well continue, but I strongly believe that the light is at the end of the tunnel.

"I have seen this face a thousand times, every morning of my life,
 but I never saw these eyes so clear, free of doubt and pain,
 like the whole world has been made again.

 I have been here many times before in a life I used to live..."

PS ~ stay strong & positive, Kasia...be happy & enjoy life♥

Ramblin' Steve