Happy Ever After...?

"Drive the road to your surrender,
 Time comes around out of my hands..."

When I originally started writing my first series of blogs a few years ago (please see link below), it was with the aim to find myself, and find out where I actually belonged in this world.

http://aspiritualjourneytofindahome.blogspot.com/

These blogs eventually developed under the 'Ramblin' Man!' identity, with the recurring theme of travelling and of me continually moving around from location to location. During the course of my journey I've been fortunate to meet some wonderful people and make some special friends. Many of these wonderful people I've met on the course of my great adventure had an innate appreciation that things don't need to be extraordinary to be beautiful. They are so genuine and they are the real unsung heroes and heroines in this world. They understand that there is a deep beauty within ordinariness, and they possess a lack of desire for richness and sparkliness; the kind of beauty that can be found in people's eyes and in their hearts and souls.

Now seems an appropriate time to finally sign off, as after all...the 'Ramblin' Man' is no more!
After much searching my new home has now been found, and in a few short weeks I'll be happily moving into a lovely annexe apartment, two miles outside of the cathedral city of Chichester, where I work. (thanks for your help in advance with the transport, mini gg & peanut!)
Recently my blog has encountered some rogue infiltrators, resulting in my postings not always being entirely secure, so this is another reason why I think it's a good time to call it a day. My blogs were always intended for a private audience, mainly amongst my 'Facebook Friends' and not to be shared globally.
I'm sure I will continue to write in some form or other in the future, but for now I'm calling it a day.

In a few months time I'll be turning 45.
The years may have been unkind at times, but they've been kind enough too.
When I look at myself in the mirror every morning, I can see a weary man with the world behind my eyes, and every line on my face bears a scar of a place or a memory...some bitter, some sweet.
I've made many mistakes in my life, harsh lessons that I carry with me, and I understand that present happiness is no guarantee of future joy, but it is my greatest hope. I remain inspired to strive to work for a better tomorrow...for all of my nearest and dearest, as well as for myself.

I would like to close with sincere thanks to all my avid readers over the past few years, especially to three precious ladies who've always been there for me: Elona, Trace & the TWL in NZ (pictured below).
They may no longer be geographically close to me, but they forever live in my heart, and I value their love, support and friendship unconditionally.

♥"You don't need to understand love,
   You just need to express it..."♥

Finally, the Cancer Research UK campaign is still active, although I'm no longer aggressively promoting it.
Any further donations are always welcome via the link below, and I wish my sweet ex-girlfriend well in her ongoing fight ~ she may not have much time left, but I know she's a gutsy survivor!
My heart goes out to her and to all of the other brave souls in their own personal battles with cancer.

http://www.justgiving.com/SteveMuskett27010

Signing off with much love to you all.
Until next time (whenever that may be), be safe & take care.

(ex)-Ramblin' Steve

Walking The Line

"As I stroll along the road to freedom
 Like a gyspy in a gilded cage
 My horizons have not always been bright
 But that's the way that dreams are made..."

It seems entirely appropriate to use a reference to the late, great Johnny Cash, in regards to the title, the picture, and the opening words, when the subject matter of my latest blog is taken into consideration.
Like the 'I Walk The Line' song lyrics, which tries to differentiate between right and wrong, good and bad, I too continually strive to stay on the correct side of the line, as previously mentioned in other recent blogs.
The 'walking' analogy also perfect ties in with my own recent 'South Downs Way' exploits, as does the 'gypsy' line when you put my own journey over the past thirteen years into some sort of perspective.
However, it finally feels like I've found my home and my 'gypsy' days are hopefully a thing of the past...as my dear friend, Elona quite distinctly put it, "Nomad Steve is no more"!

In more recent times my journey has been fraught with problems, but fortunately ones which have been overcome. I take great comfort from the fact that three years ago I was effectively homeless, stranded in Scotland (Edinburgh Infirmary no less!), but here I am today, on the verge of moving into a new apartment of my own.

I often joke and refer to myself as Mr.Minimalistic...but it's true!
And when I move in a months time this will proved once again.
The apartment that I will be living in was viewed again recently, and it looked even better the second time around. I've really fallen on my feet too, as I don't require anything. Everything is provided within the apartment: furniture, crockery, cutlery, plates, cups and glasses, TV, toaster, kettle, iron, ironing board, microwave...even all the towels and bedding! And the rent is all inclusive, so no hidden bills ~ the TV license, council tax, electric, gas and water are all part of the deal...and what a deal it is!
So all I'll be bringing with me is a few personal possessions including just a few books, cd's and dvd's.

It's strange to some who expect me to possess a vast cd/vinyl collection after working in a music store for eight years, but amazingly I only keep a few favourites. Amongst others, I have some mellow late 50's/early 60's Miles Davis (Kind of Blue period), some soulful spiritual stuff like Marvin Gaye (What's Going On), and of course the customary progressive rock classics, of which Marillion's 'Happiness Is The Road' always proves very poignant when it's all about living in the 'now', as well as it's travel references.
Travelling is also relative to my choice of books, as this remains close to my heart and always will...the Lonely Planet's New Zealand 'bible' is never far away, so I can recall happy times shared with lovely people in wonderous places such as Christchurch, Queenstown, Wanaka, Te Anau, and Nelson, whilst I was out on the road and living in my camper van...'Happiness Is The Road' indeed!
It's been over three years since my last trip to NZ...but I still miss ya TWL♥

Other than that my other books include the aforementioned autobiography of Johnny Cash, as well other biographies of people who've triumphed over adversity, such as Lance Armstrong's, 'It's Not About The Bike...My Journey Back To Life'. The only fiction I possess is 'The Alchemist' by Paulo Coelho.
As for my dvd's these are very few and far between: 'The Shawshank Redemption', a continual source of hope and inspiration, 'Billy Connolly's World Tour of New Zealand' for obvious reasons, and the complete collection of the TV comedy 'Porridge' ~ constantly viewed to remind me that laughter is priceless and that we can all gain 'little victories' in life!

I use all of the above when I'm need of some inspiration. I think of them as trail guides to use on my voyage of discovery, and the deeper I go into them, the more I find to ponder, and then they themselves become an endless absorbing journey, rich beyond my most ambitious imagining.

"Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer..."

In closing, just prior to drafting this blog I was listening to the Johnny Cash cd given to me as a gift a few years ago by my close friend, Trace ~ and this helped me to conjure up some of my thoughts which I've expressed here, especially listening to 'I've Been Everywhere' and the iconic 'Hurt'...I wonder if she still listens to the 'Artful Dodger' cd I bought her to replace her previously lost copy?

"If I could start again a million miles away,
 I would keep myself, I would find a way..."

Well, I am starting again, by myself...but I'm not a million miles away anymore.

Ramblin' Steve

Peace, Hope & Happiness

"Look around you, feel the soul inside you.
 Look inside you, feel the life course through you.
 The life that's giving in every thing that's living..."

It's been nearly four years since I quit my job at the time, walked away from everything and embarked on an exhaustive journey...little did I know then how life would evolve.
After the encouragement of my close friend Elona, I returned to writing and posted my first blog in November 2010. Now here I am, nearly two years further on after finally accomplishing my goal that I laid out then...which was part of the original journey to find my spiritual home.

I now find myself in a very good place...literally!
After all the trials and tribulations experienced over the years, I can happily confirm that everything appears to be falling into place.
Thanks to the lovely testaments from both Elona and Giverny, the owners of the pretty little apartment in Summersdale, Chichester have accepted my references and my tenancy application, and I will shortly be handing over my security deposit. Then one month later I will be moving in!

So to say that I'm finally in a good place is a bit of an under-statement!
I have a job that I enjoy; I work with some great colleagues; I now have secured a home of my own; I'm blessed to have such wonderful friends; I've re-discovered a social life thanks to my Friday night drinking buddies; I've re-united myself with my family (thanks for the push, Jo); I've re-aquainted myself with some great pals from back in my school days; I've recalled with much fun and laughter precious memories with special ladies such as Trace and the TWL; and I've recently contacted the much loved Our Price crowd from my past...looking forward to catching up with you at some stage Miss Walton!
My head, heart, spirit and soul are all at peace, so whilst I may not own many materialistic possessions, I do understand and appreciate that there's more to life than money ~ poor in life, rich in love: that's me!

"put your arms around my soul, and take it dancing..."

Between now and August 18th, I'll be biding my time whilst watching the pennies as effectively I'm paying rent on two properties for this period when you take the required deposit into consideration. But it's a small price to pay when the reward is to beome independent once again. I find myself continually smiling (hence the Paulo Coelho picture accompanying this blog), and pinching myself almost as if I'm not deserving of this fantastic opportunity...although without being too modest or sounding too arrogant, I do feel that I'm entitled to a lucky break. I will always strive to remain a humble, dignified man as part of the 'better person' regime I've undertaken, and I'll continue to be an optimistic hopeless romantic, with a 'glass-half-full, not glass-half-empty' attitude to life.

"A state of mind is a contagious thing.
 Spread it around ~ you never know what the future brings..."

PS ~ don't worry TWL...part of my heart and soul will forever remain in New Zealand ♥

Ramblin' Steve

Drunks, Fools & Angels

"Legends and lies, fools and drunks, old friends and angels..."

No, it's not another summary of one of my typical blogs!
Nor is it a reference to my two drinking buddies in the photo which accompanies this blog!
It is in fact a quote at the start of a chapter in the autobiography of Johnny Cash...although I guess it does fit quite comfortably into my lifestory so far!

The two lads in the photo, Chappers & Tom are moving into their new shared flat later this week, so good luck to both of them (they're gonna need it! Lol), and then hopefully six weeks later I'll be doing the same.
I've had a few discussions with the owner and the references are currently being processed, so fingers crossed I'll be moving in on Saturday August 18th...with the help of my transport manager, Giverny!
Between now and then, me and the lads are having to watch the pennies so there won't be any crazy drunks let loose around Chichester for the forseeable future!
Tom often refers to me as a 'raconteur'; the teller of tall stories; the stuff of legends...but that's not true. It's just a case that I'm considerably older than the pair of them, so I've got a few more things to recall. In keeping with the opening statement, I would definitely say that I am no legend, nor do I tell any lies...although we're all prone to exaggerate on occassion which maybe makes any story told a little more memorable? Similarly, with every repeat of the same story the tale seems to grow in myth and legend.

Well, I think that covers the legends and lies, as well as the fools and drunks, now what about the old friends and angels?
Any reader of my blogs knows that I regularly refer to old friends, and I'll continue to do so...especially those who I only rarely visit due to distance, location and logistics ~ they may be out of touch, but they aren't out of mind: Elona, Trace, the TWL, Ruth & Glenn, Denn & Jimi, and my good mate Martin.

"everyone I love lives somewhere else..."

Recently an old friend, ex-work colleague, and undoubtably an angel got in touch out-of-the-blue.
Due to a mutual facebook friend (thanks Ange) I stumbled upon said angel, Sarah Walton.
I can't believe that twenty years have passed since we last worked together, but I was pleased to hear that she is doing so well, now that she has returned to the UK with her daughter after living for ten years in Oz.
I often talk about living in the 'now' and not dwelling on the past, but I believe it's important to remember the good things that have previously happened in your life, it's the bad experiences which you shouldn't linger on...Sarah Walton, Greg, Nikki, Ant, Chris, and Sarah Roberts (now Barnes) were all old friends who happened to share a love of music and we had plenty of laughs along the way at Our Price over the many years we worked together...thanks guys & gals for the memories!

Ramblin' Steve

The End Of The Road

"Nothing but a child could wash those tears away
 or guide a weary world into the light of day
 and nothing but a child could help erase those miles
 so once again we all can be children for a while..."

~ For all the brave souls & their children who fight the good fight...

 Just a short blog to update and conclude events surrounding the charity campaign which I organised in aid of Cancer Research UK.

It's now been over two months since Curph, Chappers, Oakers and myself completed the 100 miles (plus?) trek along The South Downs Way from Winchester to Eastbourne.
Unbelievably, we managed to raise the incredible sum of £3,450.00 - not bad considering that when I originally schemed up the campaign I hoped to raise just a few quid!

Although all of the sponsorship pages remain open (please see my link below), we don't envisage any further donations, so this is indeed 'The End Of The Road'.

http://www.justgiving.com/SteveMuskett27010

I've previously written a full account of the experience of this trek, as well as explaining the personal reasons why, so there's nothing else really to add now other than I guess it's time to put the campaign to bed and move on towards the next challenge...whatever that might be?

Thanks once again for all of your continual support, which has been greatly appreciated.
Special thanks goes to the lads, as I couldn't have completed the trek without them.
To Leah & Carrie (Curph's & Oaker's wives respectively) for promoting their husbands donations on their Facebook wall.
Also to Toni Hillier at Mercer for her unconditional support in navigating around the company politics, rules and procedures!
Sally Huggins at Cancer Research UK definitely deserves a mention for all of the promotional material that she supplied, as well as her help and advice.
Finally, there are so many close friends and work colleagues that I'd like to thank, which would need another blog entirely to list you all...but for personal reasons I would like to single out the following:
Elona, Trace, Jo, Nicky, Giverny, Jane, all my Friday night drinking buddies, Angela in the UK, and of course Angela in NZ.

Ramblin' Steve

Crisis Of Conscience

"And the only sign of life is the ticking of the pen,
 introducing characters to memories like old friends,
 frantic as a cardiograph scratching out the lines
 a fever of confession, a catalogue of crime..."

I currently find myself with an element of doubt; a crisis of conscience.
I'm continually striving to become a better person, and a better man, but recent developments has caused me to question my intentions and motives. The one good thing about being single is that it gives you time to think, although this can be counter-productive as sometimes you can overdo the thinking, or second-guess everything that is going on around you...especially when it effects your thoughts concerning the special people in your life.

Fingers crossed, I'm all set to be moving into my new home as previously stated. The owner has come back to me confirming that she's in agreement with the financial side of things, it's just a case of her sorting out my references ~ she even kindly said that I could move in earlier than planned to make it easier for me, by allowing me to move in the weekend before my 'official' moving in date!
It will also be a wrench to leave my existing home, shared with my flat mate Josie (pictured), but she recognises that this is too good an opportunity to pass up, and in her own words, " it's a lush flat!"

A big part of moving into my new home was to commence a regime of change, and to allow me to make a fresh start (again!). Although I received some lovely comments from close friends saying that there was no need to change my ways (thanks again Trace, Jane, and The TWL!), I still feel the need to maybe isolate myself a little and return to a hermit like existence, even if it's just for a short while to regain a certain sanity and sense of perspective.

I recently enjoyed a lovely lunch with a very dear friend (thanks Elona), and this made me think even more about this...Elona is one of many female friends I have in my life, just like the three mentioned above, who mean the world to me as friends. On top of that I have other female friends at work who I regularly socialise with, or innocently take out to lunch, and they are all individuals who I genuinely care about as I value their friendship and enjoy their company.

But what is it about the fact that they are so comfortable with me?
I take it as a compliment for sure, and it's great that they can feel so comfortable in my presence, as they are all either married or have boyfriends in their lives. Take a look at my Facebook friends and you'll see the ladies outnumber the fella's about five-to-one!
But, why is it that I get on so well with women yet I remain single?
All of these ladies seem to appreciate me...although I'm never really sure why!
It's definitely not my charm and good looks!
Hopefully it's all because I'm a good listener, and they know that I'm an honest guy.
Hopefully they also know that they can trust me, confide in me if neccesary, and they know that I fully respect them as I'd never cross the line by forgetting that they are in relationships.

And this is where the crisis of conscience kicks-in!
What if I'm wrong?
There have been a couple of recent incidents where the 'boundaries' had to be re-established.
Maybe I'm over-thinking the issue, and I should just be quietly grateful as I'm a very lucky fella!
Maybe it's because I'm in touch with my feminine side?
Or maybe it's just that I can't resist a pretty face?
But in all seriousness, I really appreciate all of their friendships and I'd never intentionally do anything to betray their trust in me.

For the forseeable future I intend to return to my batchelor ways, live in my batchelor pad, and enjoy a rather simplistic way of life ~ I may well have been guilty of being too kind and generous in the past, so maybe it's time to be a little selfish and put myself first for a change...but as anyone who knows me well can testify, this isn't a natural process for me! Also it must be added...I have no regrets about my past acts of generosity as I know that I've made a difference to some very special ladies in my life.

Obviously I have many male friends too, who I can always count on when needed, and we can go out for a pint and enjoy a laugh, but I think it simply comes down to the following observation I once heard when comparing the differences in the sexes:

"Woman get together to share and talk about their problems;
 Men get together to get away and forget about theirs..."

Enough said...so where does that leave me?
All answers gratefully received and appreciated...especially from the ladies! Lol.

Ramblin' Steve

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

"the wrong side of a lifetime's wishful thinking,
 drove me here to pills and ale,
 come and listen, come and listen to my tale..."

Whilst I'm awaiting hopeful confirmation of the news that I've been successful in securing the lease on that lovely flat in Summersdale, Chichester (pictured), I've found myself taking stock on events over the past four years ~ the period covered since I previously lived in a place on my own..
I can honestly say that I haven't felt so excited about something for such a very long time...probably not since I toured New Zealand's South Island in a campervan and met the lovely TWL!
But at the same time...until I receive definite news I'm trying to keep a lid on my excitement and not take anything for granted. This is why I also find myself trying to keep busy and not think too much about the apartment, and why I've returned to writing my blogs far more regularly than I had originally intended.

It's been a troublesome four years, with many ups and downs...but I've lived to tell the tale I'm pleased to say despite all of these trials and tribulations. During this rather fraught period I have lived through the following, which I believe are in chronological order...although at my age I am prone to suffer the occassional temporary memory loss which may also include glossing over certain events:

*I lived my life-long dream by finally visiting the wonderful New Zealand.
*I gave up a luxurious apartment in Cheltenham and relocated to Berkshire to live with a friend.
*I was threatened with court action over a long-protracted dispute with my bank.
*I returned to New Zealand for a second time, and I also met the aforementioned TWL.
*I met a lovely lady back in Berkshire who I thought would give me a happy future.
*I was forced out of my friend's home once I had served my purposes, as I was no longer required.
*I lost the plot, went AWOL in Scotland and ended up in Edinburgh Infirmary after a bad experience involving an ill-advised cocktail of alcohol and sleeping pills.
*I lost my job, my home...everything, and had to start from scratch with absolutely nothing to my name.
*I was nursed back to full health under the watchful care of some fantastic people.
*I returned to my hometown and became re-united with my family.
*I became officially unemployed for the first time ever in my life.
*I was lucky to have such a great friend as Elona, who helped me regain all my identification papers.
*I dug in my heels, refusing to give in to the bank, and referred the matter to The Financial Ombudsman.
*I found a job and a temporary place to live, as I began to pick up the pieces of my life.
*I made some great new friends with my work colleagues, and re-invented a social life.
*I moved into a flat share with my dear friends Josie & Glen.
*I became seriously ill with internal scarring in my chest, throat and stomach, requiring a biopsy.
*I was shocked to hear that my girlfriend had contracted terminal cancer.
*I learned that my friend had tragically commited suicide, and despite all that had happened and how I'd been treated by her, I found myself feeling terribly guilty as if maybe I could have done something to help.
*I was told by my girlfriend to live the rest of my life without her...I initially refused of course!
*I successfully arranged a repayment plan to sort out my debts and reconcile the dispute with my bank.
*I reluctantly respected my girlfriend's wishes and said my goodbye's with a broken heart.
*I revisited my old home in Bath, and shared some very precious memories with someone special.
*I admitted defeat in my plans to return to NZ for a third time...but one day it'll happen!
*I organised a charity campaign to raise funds for Cancer Research UK in recognition of my now ex-girlfriend, by walking the entire length of The South Downs Way, and with it found some form of personal redemption, and finally...
*I suprisingly stumbled upon an affordable, yet luxurious batchelor's pad which fingers crossed will be my home for many years to come?

And that's just a brief summary of all the ups and downs these past four years.
There are many other experiences that have shaped the life and times of this 'Ramblin' Man' during this period which I have failed to mention, but wouldn't want to bore you with...let's just say that I believe I've finally layed some ghosts to rest!
But two things become apparant when reviewing these experiences however...women, and how alcohol effects my outlook on life, which is why I've decided upon two consequential decisions:

1. I intend to remain an eligible batchelor - women, romance & me just don't mix.
2. I intend to minimise my alcohol intake - ale, spirits & me also don't mix.

Whether or not I'm succesful in achieving these two aims remains to be seen, but I have previously stated my intention of becoming a better person, so hopefully these changes will help.
In the meantime I will continue to strive to be a good man, with a kind soul, a big heart, an upbeat spirit, and a humble character.
When I wrote my earlier blog, 'A Better Me...Or Wishful Thinking?' I received three lovely supportive comments from Trace, Jane, and the TWL ~ at least this proves I'm on the right track, so a big thanks goes to these three in particular, as well as all my other wonderful friends, family and blogger readers♥

After all the various setbacks encountered along the way, at least it now looks like my four year journey may end on a positive note, as I hope to rediscover my independence and find some inner peace.
My struggle with finding a happy balance between a complex state of mind and a simplistic way of life may well continue, but I strongly believe that the light is at the end of the tunnel.

"I have seen this face a thousand times, every morning of my life,
 but I never saw these eyes so clear, free of doubt and pain,
 like the whole world has been made again.

 I have been here many times before in a life I used to live..."

PS ~ stay strong & positive, Kasia...be happy & enjoy life♥

Ramblin' Steve

Keepers Wood For Keeps?

"I started out with nothin'...and I've still got most of it left" ~ Seasick Steve

This latest blog draws certain elements together from my two most recent postings, as well as sharing some happy personal news :)
In trying to improve myself and living a healthier lifestyle ('A Better Me...Or Wishful Thinking?'), and in my persuit of a place to call my own ('Batch To The Future'), it appears that I may have already found myself a new home.
This is all subject to the receipt of good references, and this also means that to achieve the neccesary savings required, I must live life like a monk for the next two months!

I was originally looking to move during late October, but an opportunity came along which was too good to pass up. It's all been a bit of a whirlwind experience to tell you the truth ~ I found out about the availablilty of a property last Friday afternoon, enquired about it on Monday morning, viewed it that very same evening, and was then contacted by the owner on Wednesday afternoon saying that they thought I'd be an ideal tenant and they'd speak to me to confirm everything once they return from their holiday abroad!
So barring any late hitches I hope to be relocated on Monday August 20th ~ many thanks to Josie & Glen for allowing to move out of my current place early.

The flat in question (please see photo attached to this blog), suits me perfectly and reminds me of the pad I rented in Batheaston to a certain extent...if I enjoy half as much pleasure here as I did back there, then I'll be a very happy man indeed!
Situated in a quiet and private cul-de-sac called Keepers Wood in Summersdale on the outskirts of Chichester, the flat specifications are as follows:

*Bright and spacious newly decorated one bedroom furnished self contained annexe.
*A fully fitted open plan kitchen/living room with wood floor throughout and marble worktops.
*Lounge area with double height ceilings and Juliette balcony looking over gardens.
*A bathroom with a large shower cubicle and heated towel rail.
*Small decked private enclosed patio garden.
*Inclusive of all utilities and electrical appliances.

As part of the 'Better Me' philosophy I wanted to undertake a healthier regime, but with the need to save for an initial security deposit of paramount importance, I now have to stick to a strict budget which will also impact on me in other ways. For instance, to help save money ther will be no regular Costa Latte's for a while, and the Friday beers with the lads will have to be temporarily put on hold after tonight, but the sacrifice will definitely be worth it...hey TWL, it looks like I'm going to be off the giggle juice too! Lol.
However, I do have a day out at Goodwood Races to look forward to in early August with the Curphmeister & gang, as well as travelling up to Theale to see my great friend Elona the week after next, for a catch up and chat over a superb pub lunch.
But other than these treats the belt is being tightened, and the self-disciplined restraint is having to kick in.

My 'Mr.Minimalstic' instincts remain intact, as once again like in my previous move, my dear friend Giverny will no doubt be helping me transfer my belongings...last time all my gear squeezed into the boot of her little VW lovingly called 'Peanut' ~ this time all my possessions will fit inside with room to spare!
All that now remains is confirmation from the owners that my references are accepted, and all my paperwork is in order...and then fingers crossed my Keepers Wood flat will be for keeps?

Hopefully, I'll be able to confirm all this next time ~ until then, be safe & take care xx

Ramblin' Steve

A Better Me...Or Wishful Thinking?

"The greatest blessing that we have is the dawn of each new day,
 A chance to finish what we started, and made a mess of yesterday..."

Believe me, I've made a mess of a lot of things in my life...but haven't we all?
But it's important not to dwell on things too much, and to always try to move on.
A majority of my mistakes may well have involved a woman somewhere along the line, but I ain't complaining...because I had plenty of fun along the way too! Either that, or maybe an error in judgement in my trust towards certain people...but once again, I won't complain ~ you just have to put it down to experience and hope that you learn from it.

"I'm learning to live without you now, but I miss you sometimes,
 The more I know the less I understand,
 All the things that I thought I knew I'm learning again..."

The purpose of this blog is to emphasis my need to become a better person. I like to think I have a kind soul with a big heart; who can be generous to a fault sometimes; who can give too much on occassion; who regularly cares too much when maybe I shouldn't...yet I know it's not enough and that I can be even better.
I believe in Karma, and the 'what goes-around-comes-around' theory, but I know I have made some pretty poor choices in my life, so I'm forever striving to improve and become a better man.

"Poor in Life; Rich in Love..."

Organised religion has never sat comfortably with me, but Buddhism incorporating Karma teaches that salvation comes through ones self, and not belief in faraway and nebulous gods. It's more a way of conducting yourself and living your life right. Essentially, you are in control of your own destiny and happiness...and this is what makes me want to improve as a person. The recent charity work for Cancer Research UK helped me greatly, by attempting to put something back and helping others, but I can't think that my work is done...there's more to come from me yet.

"I want to be someone who someone would want to be..."

Part of this personal improvement requires me to clean up my act by cutting out the boozing, by eating more healthily, by maintaining some form of regular exercise, and by retaining a self-disciplined way of life.
This doesn't mean that I'm going to become a monk ~ I'm still going to enjoy a Friday night pint with the lads after work for instance,...but it's just a case of doing things in moderation and not to excess. In addition, it has to be recognised that I'm not getting any younger...I'll 45 in a few months time, so it's important to try to implement these lifestyle changes now.

This newly instilled disciplined approach also becomes very important with regards to my saving for my new home. After nearly four years being reliant on the kindness of others, I will shortly be in a position financially, emotionally, and spiritually, where I can regain my independence and hopefully live a happy life. I am determined to break the habit of scratching around during the final week before payday to make ends meet.
I intend to live within my means, to live within a workable budget, and to set aside the neccesary funds so that maybe, just maybe, by the time late October comes around I can find myself a little place that I can call my own...and with it hopefully I'll find some inner peace which I have been continually seeking.

Who knows, maybe it's a case of life begins at 45...?

Ramblin' Steve

Batch To The Future

"Not all those who wander are lost..."

When my good friend, Elona encouraged me to return to writing a few years ago, I wrote a whole series of blogs under the generic title, 'A Spiritual Journey To Find A Home' (please see the link below), which described my ongoing and continual search to find a place where I could finally settle down.

http://aspiritualjourneytofindahome.blogspot.com/

The whole essence of these blogs was that I just couldn't stay anywhere for long...three years appeared to be my maximum tenure anywhere. Well, although I'll never write anything off and I'll always accept that anything could happen in the future to make me consider my options, I do feel very comfortable living and working in Chichester, but it's just that I need my own space again.

"Home is where the heart lies, but if the heart lies where is home...?"

For the past 20 months I have been happily sharing a flat with the lovely Josie & Glen, but last night after much soul-searching I informed them that I would finally be moving on in a few months time. As previously mentioned, my New Zealand holiday plans for October have not come to fruition, so my alternative is to use those two weeks to secure a new home, and move into my own brand new place!
Once again...I'm sorry for letting you down, TWL♥

The last time I actually lived in my own place was December 2008, when I failed to renew my tenancy agreement on a luxury apartment that I was renting in Cheltenham, and then I moved in with a friend in Crowthorne...a decision in hindsight that I regret greatly. 
After falling on hard times, and crawling into the bottom of a bottle for a while, I slowly recovered and set about restoring my life. Unfortunately, this resulted in dwelling in a variety of shared properties for the past four years. Without any doubt, the best of these situations was Josie's flat, but it really is time to recapture my independence once again.

Prior to the apartment in Cheltenham, I resided in a start-up home in a suburb of Bristol for two years, and immediately before that I enjoyed three fantastic years living in a small village just outside Bath, where many memorable times were spent in my split-level studio apartment along The Batch (pictured).
One special lady provided me with plenty of fun, headaches and heartaches (in equal measure), although the overwhelming feeling was one of happiness over the precious moments we shared, and she'll forever remain close to my heart as she knows I'll always love her to bits...I'll always adhere to the principle that gentlemen don't 'kiss-and-tell', so I'll not name names but she knows who she is! ♥

Getting my own place again has been in the back of my mind for quite a well, but the practicalities and financial implications always prevented it from being a realistic option. However, I now feel that although the money is going to be tight, I can be resourceful enough to cope, and I can cut my cloth accordingly.
It will just be great to have my own front door, my own bathroom, my own kitchen, and my own living space once again, although I must stress that I'm not looking to remain alone forever...some loving companionship would be very welcome I can assure you!

Between now and then, it will be a case of notifying a few letting agencies to get the ball rolling. Although for the next month I have other priorities, I fully expect to be saving hard between the end of July and the start of October, so that I can be in a position to realistically start looking with serious intent. I think for the spare income at my disposal, I should be able to secure a small one-bedroomed apartment relatively central to the town centre, although I'll also consider moving slightly west if neccesary to somewhere like Fishbourne or Emsworth maybe?
If anyone is looking for a reliable tenant, then I'm yer man! Contact me now!
stevemuskett@yahoo.com  (07968 029074)

It's quite exciting to be thinking of getting my own place once again after all of these years, and it reminds me of when I had to start over after finally moving away from my home town 14 years ago. This was after a failed long-term relationship, the severance of a mortgage, and the loss of my car, meaning that I had to learn to try to live within my limited budget on my own for the very first time. But I did it, and I enjoyed some wonderful times living in various flats in Langley and Slough for five years, until I was in a position to move on to pastures new...I wonder if our paths ever did cross without either one of us ever actually realising it, Nicky? Maybe in a bar in Windsor, or maybe late one night in 'Harry's'?! Lol.
Once I left Berkshire due to the relocation of my work, my 'Ramblin' Man!' days really began, as my residences became very short-term wherever I went thereafter, right up to the present day.

Maybe now that has all changed, and maybe now I'm finally ready to put down some roots...?
Time will tell, although I'll sign off with my mantra concerning 'time' and 'life':

"Life is a waste of time; Time is a waste of life;
 Get wasted all the time and you'll have the time of your life!"

Cheers!

Ramblin' Steve

All Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

"Things come wrapped up in time, like the past in a present, or the perfect line in a song.
 They take their time, and when they're gone, they take their time with them.
 And you can't have them back, because the time for them has gone,
 And their time has gone with them..."

With a weekend break in Ireland to look forward to in a few days time, the title and picture associated with this blog seem entirely appropriate. But there is another analogy to the 'All Good Things Come To Those Who Wait' reference...other than the anticipation of a decent pint of guinness!
Additionally, the opening lyrics taken from a song called 'Wrapped Up In Time' are also relevant when you consider what I wrote in my last blog, 'Silent Reflection':

"...I believe I've finally gained closure on my past with regards to matters of the heart, and although it hurts I know that I can at last move on with my life..."

Well, life does indeed move on...

After hopefully enjoying some wonderful Irish hospitality in Co.Laois courtesy of Ruth, Glenn, and 'Rose, I will return to these shores fully refreshed and raring to go as I plan the next phase of my life.
I had originally hoped to come back with some rather exciting personal news of a romantic nature to share with you all, but alas this isn't the case...it was just another false dawn I'm afraid to say.
Yet I remain an eternal optimist, and a hopeless romantic...so my time will come one day, of that I'm sure.
I retain the belief that good things happen to good people, and everybody gets what they deserve in the end, be it good, bad or indifferent. I like to think of myself as a good person, with a kind soul and a big heart, so once again I believe my time will come...eventually!

It also now looks very likely that my intended birthday celebrations in New Zealand in October aren't going to happen either, due to my current financial situation making it near impossible.
But I do have alternative plans for these two weeks in October in place, which could prove quite exciting from a personal point of view...so watch this space, as I'll reveal all next time!

And finally...

A Tale of Two Angela's
Firstly, to Ange in NZ: sorry for letting you down, TWL♥ ...but I'm with you in spirit always!
And secondly, to Ange in the UK: thanks for your recent kind & supportive words♥

Ramblin' Steve

Silent Reflection

"(the) silence was so profound that I could hear my heart beat. Such silence is a remarkable thing. It drives you inside your brain. You're not on acquaintance with your brain a lot of the time because you're so distracted by everything around you. You don't think about who you are and your place in life or where you fit. In silence and aloneness like that you're driven to think about yourself and it is no bad thing..."

~ Billy Connolly, extract taken from the book 'Journey to the Edge of the World'.

It's only actually been a week of 'silence' since my last blog, which was appropriately enough entitled, 'Shot To Pieces!' I thought I needed a longer break, but suprisingly I now feel totally refreshed and rejuvenated. After completing the long charity walk I was indeed completely and utterly drained emotionally.
All the personal reasons why I undertook such an event suddenly caught up with me, and I was totally running on empty for quite a long time. Fortunately, I now feel that I've finally come to terms with the whole campaign, as over the past week I've reflected in silence on my life and where it's going. I believe I've finally gained closure on my past with regards to matters of the heart, and although it hurts I know that I can at last move on with my life.
So rather than dwelling on any heartbreak I'd rather concentrate on the present and on the future.
After all, I'm a pretty luck fella with minimal aspirations in life...I just need the love of a good woman to make me complete! Believe me, I'm working on it...so watch this space!

"But there's a fighter in my heart and my body's tough,
 The years may have been unkind, but they've been kind enough..."

Capturing the mood of my silent reflection, the photo featured with this blog is taken from inside the tranquil and peaceful Church of the Good Shepherd on New Zealand's South Island.
The Church sits on the shores of Lake Tekapo and was built in 1935 as a memorial to the pioneers of the Mackenzie Country. The Church offers awe inspiring views of Lake Tekapo and mountains through the alter window and has been host to thousands of weddings since its dedication.

Next Friday is the long awaited May payday, and it can't arrive soon enough believe me, so hopefully many happy times will then ensue.
I'm out for a celebration with the lads & ladies from Mercer on June 1st, although nothing too heavy as the following day I have to be up early, as I'm venturing over to Dublin via the joys of Ryanair from Gatwick Airport. From there I'll travel down to County Laois and catch up with all my Irish friends and 'family'...and no doubt I'll enjoy the craik and have some fun!
Then my next 'awayday' treat occurs exactly one month later on July 2nd, when I'll be catching the train up to Berkshire to visit my dear friend Elona, to share a lovely pub lunch in the pretty little village of Theale, followed by a spot of retail therapy in nearby Reading. I'm hoping to purchase a new slim-fit black suit at some stage, as well as a new pair of funky glasses if possible ~ a fresh start requires a new wardrobe and a new image I reckon...although I may need the guidance of my style guru, Giverny!
Thereafter, there remains the possibility of a holiday in New Zealand in October, although nothing is definite just yet. It'll be great to catch up with friends in Christchurch, such as the TWL, but if it's not to be just yet then I'm a patient man, and I'll wait a few years before returning as originally planned.

Following on from the concept of 'less is more', I'll be posting my blogs less frequently than in the past, probably once a month...I wouldn't want to bore my avid readers with any ramblings not worthy of their time or attention!
In all seriousness, the blogger interface and browser that I use has recently been upgraded (again), but one interesting feature now available to me is that I can see how many readers actually view my blogs.
I can confirm that prior to this one I've written 23 blogs in 2012 so far, and the total number of views this year is around the 700 mark, with an average per blog of 30 ~ so many thanks for your continual support and interest, which is very much appreciated.

Incidentally, the peak figure reached was 50 viewings for my blog entitled, 'Easter: Tough Love & The Harsh Truth'...which just goes to prove that you must all be interested in my love life after all? Lol ♥

Take care, be happy, stay safe & have fun!

Ramblin' Steve

Shot To Pieces!

A whole week has now passed since completing the charity walk along The South Downs Way in aid of Cancer Research UK, and I remain shot to pieces!
Most of the physical aliments have now recovered, but mentally I am completely drained and exhausted.
I think it's the culmination of all the planning and organising over the past nine months, in addition to probably being a little overwhelmed with the emotions of it all, when you take into consideration the reasons why I chose to do the event in the first place.
I did try to make contact with Lou recently, but to no avail so I am finally accepting the fact that I must move on...I know I've said it before, but this time I really must do it. She's made it quite clear to me how she feels, so I must respect her wishes and leave her to live her life, however short that may be...it's sad but there isn't anything else that I can do. At least I hope she's proud of what we've achieved and I know that all the pain we experienced proved worthwhile in the end, although I know this pales into insignificance when compared to what she's going through.

So far we've raised £3,237 when everything is factored in, and I must confess to being totally in awe of that figure, as I only expected to raise a few quid when I originally schemed up the idea. As ever a big thank you goes out to you all...your kind donations have been very much appreciated.
For any further donations please see the link to my 'Just Giving' page below, although I don't intend to push it much more as I feel the campaign is now slowly winding up ~ the only other possible activity may evolve around some local press coverage and a feature in our company magazine.

http://www.justgiving.com/SteveMuskett27010

Due to my current fatigued state, and the continual battle between my complex state of mind and desire for a simplistic way of life, I have decided to take a break from writing and blogging for a while...but I will return soon, no doubt.
May I thank you all for your unbelievable support and may I also apologise for any recipients of recent soppy or sentimental text or facebook messages...I guess I'm just a silly, old hopeless romantic!
I'd like to especially thank Elona (pictured) once again for being my 'rock' as a true friend, as well as all my supportive work colleagues throughout the charity campaign.

Next up for me hopefully is a visit to see Elona, followed by a weekend break in June to nip over the water to catch up with friends and 'family' in Ireland. Then if I'm lucky and the opportunity remains, I will turn my attentions to planning a trip to New Zealand to see my great friend Ange...fingers crossed!

Until next time (whenever that may be), I wish you all well & take care.

Ramblin' Steve

Taken To The Limit

"Above all do not lose your desire to walk: every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness; I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it..." ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Taken to the limit is God damn right!
Walking 100 plus miles on ordinary footpaths is one thing, walking in excess of 100 miles through fields of mud, rough terrain, and in awful weather conditions is a totally different matter!
Completing the charity walk along the entire length of The South Downs Way in aid of Cancer Research UK was an unbelievable experience, but words cannot ever fully do it justice. The emotions and feelings that we all went through, along with all the sweat, blood, tears, pains and joys left us all completely drained and exhausted. I know for a fact that I personally pushed myself further than anything I've physically experienced previously in my life, and I was definitely taken to my limits of physical capabilities as well as being severely challenged mentally. Despite my prior training nothing conditions you properly for what we all had to endure...but we did it, which is all that matters and to date we've so far raised £3,450 in donations.

We arrived in Winchester on Day 1 at 9.30am to be greeted by rain...and it didn't let up once all day.
With only a brief stop for a lunchbreak we walked continually to 7.30pm ~ we expected to trek in the region of 24 miles, but it transpired we trudged in excess of 32. This was partly due to a temporary route put in place just after Exton, but unfortunately along this route we encountered flooded fields of mud, chalk and clay and numerous climbs in extraordinary conditions. Needless to say when we finally reached our B&B for the night in Buriton in the dark we were completely exhausted, fatigued, bewildered and dumbfounded ~ one look at at our soggy clothing and muddied boots told its own story...I bet Julia Bradbury never went through this! Lol.

Fortunately with a good nights rest our spirits were lifted on the morning of Day 2 when we were greeted by some sunshine. We also had the knowledge that by comparision to yesterday's hellish stage, we would be encountering a fairly flat stage along well trodden paths. The only surreal sensation that we did experience though was the most unlikely of visions which had us all rubbing our eyes in disbelief...whilst comfortably strolling through a field of rape seed, we suddendly came across a convoy of three grannies travelling uphill on their motorised scooters/buggies!
We ended up in Amberley at the end of the day and even afforded ourselves the luxury of an evening meal before retiring to our beds in anticipation of another day.

Wednesday (Day 3) was forecast for torrential rain and gale force winds...and it didn't disappoint!
We awoke to these elements which seemed to be worsened by taking breakfast in our B&B under a corregated roof. Unbelievably, by the time we were ready to start the rain had stopped, but we've since heard that most other parts of West Sussex and Hampshire were experiencing flash floods and hail storms at this time. What we didn't escape however, was the vicious and cutting winds. We ploughed on regardless all day until we finally reached our daily destination of Pyecombe, situated just next to the A23. Once again we were totally exhausted, but due to our very friendly landlady (Wendy Desborough) we soon recovered to enjoy a very restful and relaxing evening...oh the joy of what a little ice can do when you are in discomfort!

Day 4 (Thursday) was always going to be our 'easy' day...and so it proved.
Just the 14 miles were due to be trekked and once again the weather was mainly on our side.
A pretty uneventful day ensued on a relatively flat stage ending in our B&B in the pretty little village of Rodmell. We decided to talk tactics for our final day, so we made the length trip (five yards across the road) to the nearest pub, and for the first time in the week we really relaxed and unwound over a beer or four! We mutually decided to start the Friday early and to really push on to get as much out of the way as possible, in the vain hope that we could actually enjoy the final afternoon.

We awoke early on Day 5, prepared ourselves with iced foot baths, ate breakfast and then we were on the trail before 9am. We pushed on as intended via Firle Beacon (see photo in my blog profile) and made it to the village of Alfriston by midday. However, this wasn't without it's price. Although the sun may have appeared to have been shining, we all suffered from severe windburn as once again the vicious winds cut into us very hard. But this meant with the exception of one very tough, final climb, we were able to complete our journey by descending quite comfortably (if you can be comfortable after 100 miles?) into Eastbourne via the promenade during late afternoon as the sun thankfully shone down upon us. Once I hit the seaside, my boots went in the bin, my waterproof trousers came off and much relief was felt I can assure you. We all ended up by Eastbourne Pier where we decided to wade into the sea for a paddle to cool down our aching and throbbing feet, ankles, shins and knees.

A few beers later and an Italian meal with Jon's parents alongside Leah and Carrie (Curph's and Jon's wives respectively) to thank them for their support during the week, and then we were all ready to collapse in our funky hotel (appropriately named The Big Sleep) around midnight!
On the train journey back on Saturday morning, we started recalling some of the things we had experienced as the scale of just what we had actually achieved finally began to sink in.

So, what did we actually learn along The South Downs Way?
* never trust the regional weather forecast.
* always trust Curph to make us smile with his scouse humour.
* never trust the mileage shown on maps and signs.
* always trust Chappers to make us laugh with his little wiggle..."everyday I'm shuffling!"
* never trust me when I continually say, "It's ok lads, we're nearly there!"
* always trust Jon with his navigational & map reading skills.

I now know how Steve Redgave felt when he said straight after winning yet another olympic rowing gold medal, "if I ever get into another rowing boat, then shoot me!" ~ well, if I ever put on another pair of walking boots then please shoot me too!

Once I was finally alone for a short while in my hotel room on Friday night, before going downstairs to join the party greeting us, I must confess to shedding a tear or two, which is totally unlike me, but I think all the emotion suddenly overwhelmed me especially when I though of Lou and the reasons why I chose to do this event...I hope she's proud of what we've achieved and despite being totally drained physically and emotionally after completing the trek, I do know that it was all worthwhile.

Further donations can still be made should anyone so wish ~ please find the link to my 'Just Giving' sponsorship page below:

http://www.justgiving.com/SteveMuskett27010

I'd like to thank the lads for joining me on the trek, as I now realise that it would've been near impossible to complete the walk on my own. I was severely challenged as it was, so to try to cope with it on my own would have been soul destroying I reckon.
And finally, I'd just like to thank all the good luck and supportive messages received during the week of the walk...believe me, they were all very much appreciated and I passed all of them onto the other lads on a daily basis ~ they really helped to drive us on and maintain our spirits.

Ramblin' Steve

The South Downs Way...Here We Come!

"above all do not lose your desire to walk: every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness; I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it."

Soren Kierkegaard

Well, after months and months of planning the time has finally come as Jon, Curph, Chappers and myself will be setting off on Monday to complete the walk along The South Downs Way in aid of Cancer Research UK.

I haven't really got much to add except for saying a very big thank you for everyone's wholehearted support and donations so far received...I'm sure I speak for the rest of the lads as well as myself when I say that I aim to do the event proud, and make sure that we reach our final destination on Eastbourne Promenade next Friday, after walking 100 miles over five days!

Further donations can still be made prior to, during, and after the event, and any amounts however small will be greatly appreciated ~ please find my 'Just Giving' sponsors page via the link attached below:

http://www.justgiving.com/SteveMuskett27010

As mentioned in my previous blog, I'll be writing about the experience of the trek itself on my return, but in the meantime I'll be uploading some photo's along The South Downs Way via Facebook on a daily basis.

And finally...
I'd just like to say a big thanks to Ange in NZ, and to Trace...for recently lifting my spirits and making me smile for remembering many happy times spent in their respective company!
I must also pay a great sense of gratitude to my great friend, Elona (pictured bottom left) ~ she has remained in my life for the past 12 years throughout all of my trials & tribulations, and has always provided me with much love & comfort, whilst always offering her unwavering support & friendship ♥

Thanks for all of your love & support...please wish us luck & we aim to do you all proud!

This is for you Lou and all the many other brave souls ♥

Ramblin' Steve

NZ & The TWL! ♥

"take me to the fantastic place, keep the rest of my life away,
 take me to the island..."

With just over a week to go before Jon, Curph, Chappers and myself embark on our great trek across The South Downs Way, I'm taking the rare opportunity to publish a blog at the weekend, as I've actually got access to a PC (yay!), and I'm also finally posting the fifth and final of my personal favourite photo's ~
'Sunrise in Paihia' in The Bay of Islands on the North Island of New Zealand ~ paradise!
This stunning image was taken using my mobile phone around 6am, just as the sun was rising whilst I went for an early morning stroll along the beach.

After the charity event is over I'll be casting an eye forward towards my impending return to my 'spiritual home' in New Zealand, and the reunion with my great friend, Ange...aka the TWL, which explains the title of this latest blog.

Please see the photo (bottom left), appropriately taken of Ange also on the beach.

As you may recall from previous blogs, I had originally planned to re-visit New Zealand for my 50th birthday (in quite a few years time I hasten to add!), but an opportunity exists to bring this plan forward to this year to celebrate my 45th instead, so I fully intend to persue it if at all possible.
It may not yet happen, but I'll keep my fingers crossed that my plans come to fruition, maybe with a little bit of help no doubt (?).. and if not then I have a back-up contingency plan in mind, which is a completely radical and practical alternative...watch this space! Lol.
So either way this old fella will be fine...although the TWL knows where my heart truely belongs, and I'll remain forever hopeful that I'll be NZ bound come the end of October this year and not 2017 instead!?

Whilst on the charity walk itself I won't be posting any blogs ~ I'll wait until I return, hopefully in one piece?! ~ and then I'll resume by writing a full account of the whole experience. But what I will do is upload at least two photo's every day via Facebook ~ one at the start of the day, and one at the end when we've reached our daily destination ~ as well as any photo's of any funny mishaps or anything else particularly relevant which may occur along the way!

Just to recap our schedule and daily mileage is as follows:

Monday April 23rd ~ Winchester to Buriton ~ 24 miles

Tuesday April 24th ~ Buriton to Amberley ~ 22 miles

Wednesday April 25th ~ Amberley to Pyecombe ~ 20 miles

Thursday April 26th ~ Pyecombe to Rodmell ~ 14 miles

Friday April 27th ~ Rodmell to Eastbourne ~ 20 miles

Many thanks for all of the donations so far received...it has honestly been a very humbling experience for me, and the interest and support shown right back to when I originally thought up the idea to the present day has truly been overwhelming. To date the four of us have so far raised £2,189 for the cause, mainly from on-line donations, although I know there are some additional monies which I've factored in such as cash pledges and donations made via sponsorship forms, as well as the first banking of the coinage from the collection boxes, and the kind 'matches' donated by our employer, Mercer.
Please find the link below to my sponsorship 'Just Giving' page:

http://www.justgiving.com/SteveMuskett27010

Although I'm still struggling with my injuries, I'm pleased to say that I'm confident that I'll be fit enough to participate in the walk on April 23rd ~ I'm trekking 12 miles tomorrow, although I intend to take it quite easy so hopefully there'll be no ill effects other than maybe an extremely sore back...I'm ok so long as I don't cough, sneeze or breathe!
I'll be posting one final blog before we depart for our trek, but until then on behalf of the lads and myself may I sincerely thank you for all of your support.

Ramblin' Steve

Being Led Astray!

" Read some Kerouac and it put me on the tracks to burn a little brighter now,
 Somethin' about Roman candles fizzin' out, shine a little light on me now,
 Found a strange fascination with a liquid fixation, alcohol can thrill me now,
 It's getting late in the game to show any pride or shame, burn a little brighter now..."

This weeks blog contains the fourth of my five personal favourite photo's, and proves that even this old fella can sometimes let his hair down (?) and have some fun! Thanks to Sarah for leading me astray...but at the same time for making me smile!
This photo was just one of many taken at my works Christmas party last December, and I am very thankful for everyone's support at Mercer, both personally speaking, and with regards to their donations towards the charity event in two weeks time.
Reviewing this photo also reminds me that life's too short for always being too good and too healthy, and sometimes you do need to be led astray by letting yourself go and having some fun...so therefore, although I'm no longer capable of any prolonged drinking sessions anymore, I am enjoying the odd alcoholic beverage or two on occassion!
It does you good to enjoy some beers with the lads, or cocktails with the girls (Sarah!), or maybe even a few vino's (Trace!), or G&T's (Nicky!)...in fact any form of giggle juice (TWL!) usually does the trick!

With regards to the preparations for the charity walk, I have unfortunately aggrevated an old football injury and think that I may have been over-doing the training a little bit. I have a constantly trapped nerve in my side, due to some severe damage to my pelvis and hip over twenty years ago, which occassionally flares up and gives me jip...regretably, this is one of those times! The trapped nerve is caused by the muscle being permanently fused to the bone, so there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it other than rest.
And it doesn't help that yesterday I fell down my friends stairs and badly damaged my back...and I swear that I was sober! But I am determined to be fit for the charity walk on April 23rd however, so for this reason and this reason alone, I will now only commit to one final training walk on Sunday April 15th...just to keep me ticking over!

All gratefully received contributions to our cause in aid of Cancer Research UK can be kindly donated by using the link to my 'Just Giving' sponsorship page below, as well as at the foot of every blog:

http://www.justgiving.com/SteveMuskett27010

It has now been two weeks since my television set blew up...literally, and believe it or not, I've been coping fine without a TV. I liken it to the time when I was on the road in New Zealand, when all I had was my van and the open road...happy days! And it's only just over six months until I'll be doing it all again...can't wait Ange! What the lack of a TV has allowed me though, is the opportunity to read much more, (mainly travel books and biographies), as well as scheme up some ideas for future blogs ~ this includes something completely different once the charity campaign has run it's course...so watch this space!

Finally, I'd like to say thanks to Trace (pictured bottom left at the foot of this blog), and offer my apologies for inflicting upon her the mother of all hangovers!
But it was great to remember happy days and crazy times together over many drinks...it brought us both many smiles and much laughter, whilst reminding me that I was once a very lucky man!
Thanks Trace ♥

Ramblin' Steve

Easter: Tough Love & The Harsh Truth

"Easter here again, a time for the blind to see
 Easter, surely now can all of your hearts be free..." ♥

After torturing myself these past few weekends with long treks in all kinds of weather, this weekend I have a short break in Somerset & Gloucestershire to look forward to.
This means that I'll be temporarily hanging up my walking boots as I treat myself to the luxury of a hotel for the night on Good Friday in Bath, before continuing my journey to stay with friends in Cheltenham for the remainder of the Easter Bank Holiday weekend.

This weeks blog contains the third of my five favourite personal photo's and is relevant both to my weekend break, and to Cancer Research UK as the forthcoming charity event looms large on the horizon!

The South Downs Way ~ 100 miles from Winchester to Eastbourne ~ April 23-27

The photo shows my great friend, Jo Rolfe & I enjoying ourselves at a leaving party in my old local pub, The George & Dragon, in the village of Batheaston, where I used to live and where Jo's parents still currently reside. Jo now lives and works in London as part of the Olympics 2012 Event Management Team, so although I won't be catching up with her this weekend, I do hope to meet up with my dear friend Trace, and her family, before travelling on to Cheltenham to spend some time with some more great friends, Jimi & Denn, who incidentally the leaving party was for when this photo was taken.
The relevance with the charity event is that Jo worked quite extensively for Cancer Research UK for a while, and it was her fantastic efforts and achievements whilst being involved with this worthy cause, (in addition to my personal reasons already established in previous blogs), which confimed my decision to make this my chosen charity.
Also, by a rather strange coincidence, Winchester is the city where Jo graduated from last year, where I spent a few wonderful days in her company whilst sat in one pub or another...(cheers Jo!), and it is from here where our great trek is starting from!

Tomorrow (April 3rd) also marks a very significant day for someone special.
The main reason behind my charity event is out of respect to one precious lady, (my ex-girlfriend), who continuely strives to fight in her battle with terminal cancer.
Tomorrow marks her 30th birthday ~ we may no longer be in contact, but she remains in my thoughts and I wish her well. I must confess to making one final grand gesture of attempting a reconciliation, but it was to no avail. In fact she made it very plain to me that I must move on with my life; leave her to get on with what she's got left of her life; and although she's probably just being cruel to be kind, I guess the harsh truth is that's the way it's just going to have to be ~ I know I'm just a foolish, hopeless romantic, but I just had to try...
The donations continue to arrive (£2,000 and counting between the four of us!), and I can only hope that she feels proud for what I am attempting to achieve...I guess our efforts are a mere drop in the ocean when viewed within the whole scheme of things, but at least I feel that I am doing something.

Please find the link to my sponsorship page attached below:

http://www.justgiving.com/SteveMuskett27010

After this Easter break, I have a long weekend in Ireland to look forward to in June, before turning all my attentions to planning a fantastic fortnight in New Zealand in October, when I get the chance to catch up with my great friend Ange, aka the TWL (tiny, wee lady). Rather than the usual funny pic of Ange which always features at the foot of my blogs, I have now replaced it with a far more flattering photo of the TWL...I hope she approves? Lol.
Many thanks hunny...and you know why! ♥

Ramblin' Steve

Under A Month To Go!

"What's the use of getting sober, when you're gonna get drunk again..."

~ classic song by Louis Jordan.

Exactly!
These sentiments perfectly sum up my friendship with my good mate & drinking buddy, Curph!
In four weeks time, and less than a calendar month away, the long-awaited charity walk will finally be upon us...although in truth the time has flown by since the inception of the campaign last summer.
The second of my five favourite personal photo's this week shows Curph & me enjoying yet another night out on the town! Not so much recently, but there was a time when this was quite a common occurence, but seeing as Curph is one of my fellow trekkers on the charity walk I reckon there's a good chance we will both appear in a similar state on Friday April 27th, when the event is over? Lol.

The South Downs Way ~ 100 miles from Winchester to Eastbourne ~ April 23-27

At the very time of writing this blog, including the matched figures from our employer, Mercer, we have raised a staggering £1,507 an unbelievable achievement bearing in mind that I was only expecting to raise a few quid when I originally thought up the idea last summer! And this only includes the on-line donations ~ the old fashioned style sponsorship forms & the collection boxes are yet to be factored in! I also remain quietly confident that we'll raise even further funds after the event, when there's photographic proof that we've actually completed the distance, as well as some local press and company magazine coverage.
(I am currently awaiting confirmation from a local newspaper, who are keen to get in touch and write an article about us).
For anyone else wishing to make a donation please find attached my link below to my 'Just Giving' page, which is also highlighted at the foot of every blog:

http://www.justgiving.com/SteveMuskett27010

I'm also attaching the links to my co-trekkers, as some of you may know them as well, and maybe you'd prefer to sponsor them instead? Believe me, we are in no competition ~ the only reason we have seperate sponsorship pages is because our employer will match our donations individually, upto to a value of £300 each ~ so it makes good sense to have seperate pages, rather than one collective one!

 http://www.justgiving.com/Jon-Oakley ~ Jon
 http://www.donatetobreastcancer.org/curph ~ Curph
 http://www.justgiving.com/Ross-Chapman ~ Chappers

A BIG THANK YOU goes to Curph's & Jon's better other-halves, Leah & Carrie respectively, for promoting their husband's pages on their Facebook profiles.

The training is continuing to go well ~ as well as introducing Curph to the joys of The Trundle hill at Goodwood previously, I've now also led Chappers and my training mate, Tom up to the summit too! The only difference was the weather ~ whereas Curph & I experienced rain and poor views, Chappers, Tom and I witnessed breathtaking, panaramic scenery whilst walking in the sun! Still, you know what they say...

"there's no such thing as bad weather...just the wrong clothes!"

Hopefully, all the training is doing me good as I endeavour to lick myself into shape, back into my old lean and toned physique of yesteryear (?)...wait 'til October Ange aka the TWL (also pictured at the foot of every blog) ~ then you'll be able to see for yourself! Lol.

Until next week, be safe, take care, have fun & keep smilin' :)

Ramblin' Steve

Depth of Life

"It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson was a 19th century American lecturer, writer, poet, and philosopher, who prevailed as a champion of individualism.

His words which open this blog do seem extremely poignant to me, when you consider that the special individual concerned who is the inspiration behind my charity campaign for Cancer Research UK, is having her own precious life cut prematurely short.
So I guess the over-riding message is that you must live for today, you must grasp every opportunity that comes your way, and you should try to fulfill all your dreams before it's too late...as life is too short!

My own life is pretty deep I suppose, but I'd much rather pack everything into it as best I can whilst I'm still here, than wait until the future unfolds...as you never know, tomorrow may never come?
I think my 'depth' comes from my continual struggle between trying to attain a simple way of life, whilst dealing with a complex state of mind...but I'm getting there as I work through the trials and tribulations that ultimately effect us all.

The charity campaign is now only just over a month away, which seems scary when I think about it.
I first thought up the idea last summer and yet here we are ~ so near and so close.
So much has happened over the ensuing months; so many twists and turns; a few additional heartbreaking events; but the overwhelming support towards the cause has been the biggest factor that I've encountered.

The South Downs Way Charity Trek in aid of Cancer Research UK

April 23rd to April 27th

http://www.justgiving.com/SteveMuskett27010

All the planning has come to fruition, and all the support I've received from Jon, Curph, and Chappers as my willing co-participants, as well as all the kind comments (and donations!) from my co-workers especially, have proved to be an unexpected suprise...I have been genuinely touched, and have remained so throughout all of the organising.

I'm happy to report that I did initially remain off the booze for the past fortnight, meaning that I've haven't indulged in the dreaded munchies which alcohol generally leads me to, so my rather restricted, yet healthy diet also remains intact (sorry Jane!) ~ but I must confess to enjoying a guinness or two on 'Paddy's Day', purely out of respect for my Irish friends and family, so they could be assured that I was with them in spirit (literally!)
My next test comes at Easter when I'm due to visit friends in Somerset, but hopefully my will-power will prevail (don't worry, Trace...I'll still buy you a few vino's!)...although I am coming round to thinking that the occassional pint won't do me any harm, so long as it doesn't develop into a lengthy session. To counter balance this thought process, I've decided to sacrifice my daily Costa coffee, and restrict this to a Friday only treat.

Over the five remaining weeks prior to the charity event, I am going to be attaching five of my favourite photo's ~ this weeks picture is in honour of my aforementioned Irish friends and family, and was taken at Ruth's 40th birthday party a few years ago in Co.Laois, and also features the big man, Fitz...happy times!

As part of my moving on process, my 'Mr.Minimalistic' status has been further enhanced as I've culled yet more of my personal belongings, leaving me with just the bare essentials...but this is the way of life that suits me best, and as anyone who knows me well can testify...I always travel light!
So light in fact, that when I travel down under to visit the TWL in New Zealand in October, even though I'll be away for over two weeks, I'll still be surviving on hand luggage only!

"I was born a ramblin' man, trying to make a living and doing the best I can..." 

Ramblin' Steve

Healthy Regime & Personal Analysis

Following on from my previous blog, and the return to my 'happy-go-lucky' way of life, this change has also resulted in a re-introduction of a healthier lifestyle, as well as an opportunity to take a long, hard look at myself as I try to assess just what sort of person I actually am!

I now have exactly six weeks until the charity walk campaign commences, so it's essential that I resume the training whilst sticking to a sensible and healthy diet. To this effect, and as previously mentioned, I am now off the alcohol until the event reaches it's climax, when I will finally indulge in a few beers.
As for my diet, the only treats I'm allowing myself is my daily Costa latte, and a cheese & ham toastie at the weekend, as regretably I've recently been experiencing some of the old discomforts whilst eating certain foods, due to my damaged chest wall linings.
So my typical daily diet consists of my costa coffee, some banana's, porridge, an oaty flapjack, and my evening meal is some form of pasta dish.
I also enjoy a full roast on a Sunday, complete with enough vegetables to last me for the week!
As for my training, I'm now intending to walk between 12 -15 miles every Saturday and Sunday, which I can confirm that I did manage last weekend, and as of tomorrow I will also be adding an 8 - 10 mile trek on Tuesday's and Thursday's (yes Jane ~ I must be mad! Lol)...so you can see that I am determined to get fit in time for April 23rd.

The South Downs Way Charity Walk in aid of Cancer Research UK
All donations gratefully accepted via the following link:

http://www.justgiving.com/SteveMuskett27010

As I re-introduced both this training regime and healthier lifestyle, I also took the opportunity to evaluate what sort of person I am, in a rather self-mocking, joking kind of way...and this is what I came up with:

I am...

part Mr.Happy-Go-Lucky, part hopeless romantic;
part eligible batchelor, part broken-hearted soul;
part philosopher, part goodness guru;
part counsellor, part confidant, part therapist;
part thinker, part listener, part pacifist;
part writer, part lyricist, part poet;
part trekker, part traveller, part adventurer;
part hedonist, part spiritualist with buddhist tendencies;
part massager of spirits & ego's, part massager of bodies,
(back, neck & shoulders remain my speciality!);
part diplomat, part the voice of reason;
part simplistic, part complex, part paradox, and definitely part contradictory & part conflicted!

Conclusion: The sum of all of of these parts makes me what I am, be it good, bad or indifferent...I'll let you decide ~ but I do know after all these years I'm still searching for a true place that I can call 'home', and I'm still seeking to settle down somewhere with the love of a good woman!

Finally, may I wish well in advance all my Irish friends & family a wonderful St.Patrick's Day this weekend, and also may I wish the TWL (pictured) in New Zealand a lovely birthday for the 18th ♥

Ramblin' Steve.

Neverland: The Return of Mr.Happy-Go-Lucky!

"When the darkness takes me over,
 face down, emptier than zero,
 invisible, you come to me...quietly.
 Stay beside me, whisper to me, "Here I am", and the loneliness fades..."

 After the rather downbeat nature of my previous blogs, I felt it was high time that I got back to my old self: chilled and laid-back, calm and reflective, but above all...Mr.Happy-Go-Bloody-Lucky!
The past few weeks may have been personally tough, but due to the loving support and friendship of some wonderful people, (see the 'Name Dropping' at the end of this blog), I now find myself with my faith restored in human kindness once again.
As much as I still have strong feelings for my ex, even more so due to her tragic circumstances, I have to finally accept the truth, and respect her wishes by moving on with my life. I've said this before I know, but now I must really do it.

"Some people think I'm somethin', well you gave me that, I know,
  but I always feel like nothing when I'm in the dark alone,
  you provide the soul, the spark, that drives me on,
  makes me something more than flesh and bone..." 

The charity campaign in aid of Cancer Research UK is proving an unbelievable tonic for me.
The donations have been flooding in and I have been genuinely touched by everybody's kindness.
I've now surpassed £300 in donations, which means that my employer will match this figure, resulting in £600 plus raised so far, with still well over a month to go until the event...and that's just me, as there are three other lads raising funds as well.
I am still awaiting a re-scheduled meeting with the local fundraising manager from Cancer Research UK, but I'm armed with various local resources in the hope that she can push the promotion of the event.

The South Downs Way - 100 miles from Winchester to Eastbourne - 23rd to 27th April.

All donations are always welcome - please see link attached below:

http://www.justgiving.com/SteveMuskett27010

My recent status of sobriety has been maintained, nearly one week now, and I've passed a few tests of my self-discipline, although the big test is next weekend when I must abstain from indulging on St.Patrick's Day, which is never going to be easy. But I take comfort in the knowledge that I've just booked my flight to Ireland to catch up with friends in June, so I'll be able to enjoy a few pints of the 'black stuff' then.

And so, to the 'Name Dropping'...and much thanks goes out to all of the following:
Firstly, to four of my loyal and avid readers, TWL, Elona, Trace, and Lucy ~ the fact that you are all still in my life and offer me continual support remains a great inspiration to me.
Secondly, to my lunchtime companions and work colleagues, Jane, Nicky, and Giverny, for their wit and wisdom, and for talking some sense into me when needed!
Also, a big thank you goes to my fellow sufferer of a Leeds United fanatic, Jennie...may we always march on together!?
And finally, cheers to all my drinking buddies, Curph, Tom, and Chappers ~ although I'm denying myself the booze at the moment, I will be rejoining you all properly from April 27th...and no doubt making up for lost time, and also to Sarah as I think some exotic cocktails are well overdue, don't you?

Thank you one & all from the bottom of my glass...erm, I mean heart! Lol.

Ramblin' Steve