Simplicity versus Complexity

I've recently been experiencing a troubled mind as I wage a war between simplicity and complexity.
I'm continually striving to achieve a decent quality of life...or at least a quality of life proportionate to what's realistic and allowable within the confines of my income and expenditure.
Yet I always find myself wrestling with certain issues, including conflicting feelings and emotions, not to mention those inner demons or ghosts from the past, which we all have hidden away at the back of our minds. And herein lies the problem, because try as I might to attain a simplistic lifestyle, I find myself constantly challenged by a complex mindset...you could say that I am a rather confused man and a contradictory paradox of an individual.

Spending a lot of time on your own can be a dangerous thing, as this gives you plenty of time to think, and there can be a tendency sometimes to over elaborate with the personal self-analysis.
The problem stems from being comfortable on my own, as well as enjoying the company of others.
Although I'm used to living alone, I also cry out to be part of a 'family', and deal with all the related issues that comprise being part of said family ~ I guess it's all about finding the perfect balance.
I believe this is why as an individual I'm attracted to helping close friends with their problems, as this draws me in to being part of someone else's life, whilst allowing me to forget that I'm on my own.

It's because of this that my simplistic goals are eternally unattainable due to my complex lifestyle.
Far from being simple, my life is full of complex characters who I genuinely care about and constantly look out for...and I love them all.
Although currently residing in the south of England, pieces of my heart lie scattered elsewhere in the UK, and my spirit also often drifts overseas to Ireland and New Zealand.

I sometimes feel that I may have missed my vocation in life, as I should have been a carer, or a social worker, or a therapist of some sort...maybe I should creat a brand new profession: a Massage Counsellor!
After all I am a good listener and a decent masseuer ~ come and share your problems with me verbally, and I'll soothe them away physically! Lol.

I know that I care too much about others sometimes, although I don't think that's a bad thing.
This is just my way, and I'm too old to change my ways now anyway.
So this is why I'll continue to look out for friends and loved ones in all of the places where pieces of my heart remain, and this is why despite seeking the simple pleasures in life, they'll forever be out of reach as my complex state of mind won't ever grant me them.
I do try to live to certain moral principles, although I'm no angel and I've done some things of which I'm not very proud of. But I do know that I'm a humble man with a good soul and a kind heart, and above all I try to remain a 'humanist' who genuinely feels and cares for others.
If that's all I've got to show for my life then so be it, but I'll settle for that as it could be a whole lot worse.

Ramblin' Steve