Mixed Emotions

"take me to the fantastic place, keep the rest of my life away..."

As a slight departure to the Cancer Research UK sponsorship theme, (although I must say that the campaign is gathering pace very nicely), todays blog is my personal reflection on the events of my recent long weekend, when I experienced four very different days complete with some very mixed emotions.

This long weekend was a great personal release, as I didn't fully appreciate how stressed I'd been inside, as I always keep my emotions in check, and outwardly nobody would neccesarily know how I was feeling as I hide it pretty well. I think the whole situation with the emotional pull over the circumstances surrounding my ex-girlfriend had finally taken its' toll, and maybe I was running on empty. The escapism I've recently found in walking and planning the charity event in April, only served to mask how I was really coping with things...which was why this last weekend was such a wonderful break from the norm, and it did me the power of good. I really needed to let my hair down (?) and blow off some steam and so a very BIG THANK YOU goes out to all those friends who shared this diverse weekend alongside me.

Friday was taken up by travelling up to Theale to visit a dear friend, and enjoy her company over a great lunch, before embarking on some retail therapy in nearby Reading.
Saturday was spent sharing drinks with a friend from work, and we both had a real good laugh.
Sunday was mainly enjoyed back in the pub with the lads watching the football, whilst on Monday I visited Brighton on my own for a spot of shopping, where I especially enjoyed browsing down The Lanes and the less commercial side streets.
On my return to work today, I went out to lunch with another great friend, to talk over some of my conflictions and try to gain an independent female perspective on my 'Mixed Emotions'.

Now this is where these mixed emotions kick-in...

I love the fact that I keep in touch with special, old friends.
I love the fact that I can meet new people, and 'wine & dine' women as a single guy.
I love the fact that I can enjoy a few beers with the lads with a clear conscience.
I love the fact that I can revel in my independence.

I do like being a single guy and an eligible batchelor, with the allowance that I can readily smile at, and flirt with a lady, knowing that I'm not doing anything wrong. Although I must stress that I am not a 'player'.
But I also like the thought that maybe one day I can settle down with that special woman in my life... I just haven't met her yet...or more appropriately, when I think that maybe I have met her, I find out that the feeling isn't reciprocated. I do think that maybe I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve, but like I've always said and maintained...I'm not bitter, as I've enjoyed some very special moments with some very precious ladies in my life.

When you factor all of this into the equation, the calculation gets further complicated with the fact that I love to travel, and I rarely stay in one location for a long period of time...I have currently been living in Sussex for two and half years, which is quite a lengthy period for me ~ no doubt the itcy feet syndrome will apply soon?
Specifically (hence the new picture attached at the foot of this blog), my heart is continually drawn towards New Zealand.
My head has been spinning over the past week or so, due to the possibility of a potential opportunity for me to return to this fantastic place (hence the opening lyrics)...thanks for the suprising early morning phone call Ange!
The reasons behind this chance of a return to NZ may be disclosed at a later stage, but needless to say...it's got me thinking!

So dear readers, that's my mixed emotions for you. Please forgive me this poetic license to pour out my heart, but at the end of the day I guess I'm just lookin' for a little bit of lovin'.

Normal service will be resumed with my next blog, I assure you.
Thanks for listening (or reading) ~ it's much appreciated.

Ramblin' Steve